Panney Wei - blog

A Panney For Your Thoughts: Messages to Empower. Enliven. Entertain.
A Blog by Panney Wei, C.Ht.

Date: 5/18/2011 12:56 AM PDT

"Epiphany"

I had an epiphany today. It is, that if I slow down just a little, I will feel less overwhelmed, less stressed, and more happy, more stable, and even more faithful about my future. Why did this epiphany come now? Because I'm a mother and a working mother and I was trying so hard to keep up my usual pace of life, but I realized that it is impossible when you have a baby and no nanny, and still trying to work at the same time.

I was thinking about all the other working moms in the world and thinking "How do they do it?" After talking to other moms, I realized that they all work, but they all have a nanny as well to help out. It is impossible to work and be a well-functioning, present mother as well for your child without extra help or a nanny. Something needs to be sacrificed. The last thing you want to sacrifice is your child's happiness and care.

So I decided to slow down a bit. Slowing down moreso in my mind, than in my actions. By doing that, I was able to be more present for my daughter, feel happier in my heart, and feel like I am really revelling in each moment by moment in my life. Slowing down a little actually increased my faith. I actually know and believe that everything will be done in due time. I will get my first book published. I will find time to write. I will be able to work in my book and get it done because I believe in it so much. And I believe in myself.

Slowing down a little allowed me to catch happy moments with my daughter that I might normally miss. Slowing down allowed me to make sure that each day, I made sure I smiled at my daughter, and was happy to see her, so that she knew how much she was loved. That love will go far in shaping who she is and her self-esteem as a little girl. That love will fill her up and provide a strong foundation for her when she becomes an adult in the world and is on her own.

Sometimes I feel like I should do more. I should work more, work harder, do more, do it longer. Recently, I was named a recipient of the 2011 Outstanding 50 Asian Americans in Business Award and a nominee for the 2011 Los Angeles Business Journal's Women Making a Difference Award. Amazing I say....I am so honored and humbled by the award and nomination. It only fueled my desire to do more, keep working hard, keep writing, get my self-help book on attracting love published. Truth is, I realized that these awards are just signs from the universe that I'm on the right track. I'm going in the right direction. I should be sharing what I know and whatever wisdom I've acquired along the way to help others, and keep doing that.

So I'm happy for these experiences. I'm happy that I'm being challenged in y life and in the workplace. I'm happy for the challenges being a mom and trying to keep up with my active child and adjusting to parenthood. I'm happy for all of it. And I'm happy that I can keep my eye on the prize and keep the faith even though I've slowed down a bit. Just because i've slowed down doesn't mean I've lost my touch or lost my mojo. My mojo is still there. I've just got to work harder to light the spark in it again. Or best case scenario, the other alternative is to just surrender to God and let things happen.

I think all of us could slow down once in a while. You don't need a child to do that and you don't need a nanny. You just need to be mindful of slowing down once in awhile so you can savor life. Savor all its subtleties and nuances, and don't miss a beat and don't miss a thing. Slow down so you don't regret anything in life. Slow down so you can sift through it all and watch what happens.

Now go do it. Haha! Slow down.......

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Date: 5/10/2011 3:34 AM PDT

"He Left Me with the Noodles"

I was up late tonight, 3:30am, and thinking about my day. Not sure why I was up but a nagging feeling kept at me, and I just couldn't sleep. The excitement of my first Mother's Day had just wore off, and I was thinking about my family, my siblings, love, my husband, my daughter, really, a whole flurry of mental activity in the wee hours of the night.

You wonder what was floating in my head? Just the phrase "He left me with the noodles." What's that all about? Well, here's my stream of consciousness....I was thinking about my family, feeling warm and fuzzy, and a nostalgic memory of my sister, Shirley, came into my head. Once upon a time, before I was married, I was dating a guy, let's call Tim (name has been changed to protect the damned and un-innocent) and I was the picture of low self-esteem in this relationship. We had been dating for awhile now, about a year, and I knew at one point, the relationship was going to end. He was getting all the benefits, living at my house most of the time, being practically supported by me, (because I "oh-so" believed in his potential and he was a struggling artist- you know that scenario), and was pretty self-centered or narcissistic. Basically, the dude thought he was a bad-ass and acted like one, and the girls dug it. Anyhow, one week I was deathly ill, so sick that I couldn't get out of the bed. I was hit with flu. This guy and his cheapskate ass, did not even lift a finger to help me. He instead just watched me suffer like a moron, lacking general empathy, or just feigned indifference. I, lifeless and helpless, decided to call my sister for help or at least some moral support. Knowing she was busy (we were always all very busy in my family), we know that when we reach out to each other, it's pretty much an emergency. So when I called, she knew it was important. I told her I was really sick and just wanted to share the news, and she, being a compassionate person, decided to haul her ass 40 minutes to my house to bring me soup and comfort me or at least, hang out for a minute. I hung up the phone much relieved.

Tim, like an idiot, just sits there, psyched because he can't cook and someone is now bringing him food. No, moron, the food is for me. Not you, me. I'm the sick one, and you're just sick and twisted. My sister arrived just in the knick of time before I was going to kick out the boyfriend, and he welcomed her beaming from ear to ear. She wanted to stay longer, but felt like a third wheel, so after half an hour left. I was happy she came and spent all my leftover energy entertaining her and after she left, just crashed. Hours later, waking up hungry, I searched the refrigerator for the soup she brought me. Guess what I found. Just the noodles. The bastard drank all the soup and left me just the noodles! How's that for some tender lovin' care? Without a thought, while I was sleeping, the bastard decided to help himself to a big bowl of soup, soup that was supposed to be mine, all mine!

Guess what I did? I, in my totally empathic and compassionate, needy, and lovesick nature, did not kick him out like most healthy, functional, confident women would do at that time. The fact that he left me just the noodles should've been my huge wake-up call, my ah-ha moment, but no, I kept him around for another four months so that he could just torture me more. How's that for some awesome masochistic behavior? Anyhow, four months later, I woke up when the dude started flirting with other girls in front of me, and I realized that this guy was just delusional, and not worth it. I deserved better. Hiyah! I kicked him to the curb. See ya Tim! You left me the noodles, but I got me some self-esteem. How's that?! Hope you enjoyed the soup while it lasted!

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